The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.

Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.

Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.

America cannot afford a rally to restore sanity in the middle of a recession. Did you even consider how many panic-related jobs that might cost us in the fear-industrial complex?