I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

I am down with the latest trends. And everyone knows, the thing on the streets is vampires. So I have been biting people on the neck.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely.

I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave.