What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?

The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Warning, I may contain more than a trace amount of nut.

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.

If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?