Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.
Stephen ColbertSorry, but retirement offends me. You donโt just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? Thatโs desertion.
Stephen ColbertThere hasn't been a scandal this big at the C.I.A. since (CLASSIFIED) committed (CENSORED) to (REDACTED).
Stephen ColbertI gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's get a grilled cheese sandwich."
Stephen Colbert