I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.

If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

Atheism: the religion devoted to the worship of one's own smug sense of superiority.

The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.

I'm livin' high on the hog, and let me tell you, hogs make a terrible foundation.

You have a firm grasp of the obvious.