Some people perceive me as an assassin or at least someone who can slip under your guard with a knife. But if you watch what I do, that's almost never the case. I'm just trying to keep the balloon in the air. It rarely turns into anything combative.

I'm just very interested in what my guests have to say. You have to be vigilant to stay ignorant.

This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do.' And I followed my own advice.

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."