The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.

Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.

Can accidentally eating halal food make you Muslim? Yes, the same way drinking a cosmo can make you gay.

Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda.

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.

It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.