If you repeat it, it's true. If you repeat it, it's true. And through repetition, something becomes true. If you repeat it enough. Until it becomes true. Or do I need to repeat that for you?

...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.

I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.

I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.

The shamrock is a religious symbol. St. Patrick said the leaves represented the trinity: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. That's why four leaf clovers are so lucky, you get a bonus Jesus.