Any religion whose messiah’s name isn’t recognized by Microsoft Word can’t be that much of a threat.

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

You've gotta understand what Putin's strategy is. He really doesn't like democracy. He thinks it's an inconvenient, messy process. And he doesn't like us, and he wants to destabilize our country; sow doubt about our democracy.

The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.

Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?

A press that has validity is a press that has authority. And as soon as there's any authority to what the press says, you question the authority of the government - it's like the existence of another authority.

They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.