On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.

When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.

I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do.' And I followed my own advice.

Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.

Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.