Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.

The fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.