Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes'.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.

Apply Truth liberally to the inflamed area.

We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist.

Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!