If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.

Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!

Don't cry over spilled milk-- get angry and punch a cow.

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.