‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

brb, ttyl ok? wow, i saved a 'ton' of time with those acronyms.

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?

I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?

On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.

We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.