‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.

If you like Battlestar Galactica...you're probably a huge nerd.

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."

I suppose fear is like a drug. A little bit isn't that bad, but you can get addicted to the consumption and distribution of it.

Take it from me, there's nothing like a job well done, except the quiet enveloping darkness at the bottom of a bottle of Jim Beam after a job done any way at all.

As a rule, Germans shouldn't do comedy. Their last box office comedy was Nosferatu.