Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

You don't need the right facts if you have the right inflection.

America cannot afford a rally to restore sanity in the middle of a recession. Did you even consider how many panic-related jobs that might cost us in the fear-industrial complex?

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

I don't accept the status quo. I do accept Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?