Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

There's an old saying about those who forget history. I don't remember it, but it's good.

Senator John Kyle claiming that over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Stephen Colbert: Over 90 percent, that is unbelievable...in that it is not true. Only 3 percent of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion. Kyle just rounded it up to the nearest 90.

I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

Equations are the devil's sentences.

President Bush has embarked on an eight-day tour of the continent. He hopes this one goes better than the other ones he's made recently. Obviously he's not doing that well in North America [on screen: '36% Approval'], his South American trip had a few bumps [on screen: 'Angry mobs of torch-carrying bumps'], Europe seems to think the president doesn't care what they think, but hey, who cares what they think? They could at least thank him for what he's done for their burning effigy industry.

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.