Foreign newspapers: if they've got nothing to hide, how come they don't print them in English?

Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.

Of course! Jeb Bush! America is hungry for another leader from that talented family!

I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin. If that ever happens, it's only because something happened during the interview that got me going, and then I had to translate my feelings to the mouth of the character.

Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.

Some say, 'Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.' I say, 'Those who ignore history are in for a big surprise.'