Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.
Stephen ColbertThe fate of our country is now in the hands of people who don't think about what they want until they get right up to the register at McDonald's.
Stephen ColbertIf our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.
Stephen ColbertThe interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? I’ve always liked that phrase “He was visited by grief,” because that’s really what it is. Grief is its own thing. It’s not like it’s in me and I’m going to deal with it. It’s a thing, and you have to be okay with its presence. If you try to ignore it, it will be like a wolf at your door.
Stephen Colbert