My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

There's nothing more I love than McDonald's dollar menu. With just the change I find between my couch cushions, I can eat something with the nutritional value of a couch cushion.

But you are also the biggest threat of all ...You are a gay person I like. Your threat is that you make being gay seem non-threatening. It's almost as if your happiness does not take mine away.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

I must confess that I've never trusted the Web. I've always seen it as a coward's tool. Where does it live? How do you hold it personally responsible? Can you put a distributed network of fiber-optic cable "on notice"? And is it male or female? In other words, can I challenge it to a fight?

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'