My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.

We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then why does it hurt when I spray them with Windex?

What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.

Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.