Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.

I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.

Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.

I don't like the new president who hunts muslim extremists, I like the old president who is a muslim extremist.

Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.

If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.

If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?