Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.

It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.

We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.

I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money.

Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.

Republicans will need to work hard to capture the Latino vote instead of their current strategy of capturing Latinos.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.