Ghost of Bobby: no, no you can't eat me. I'm a ghost. Stephen Colbert: That just means that there's less bones to pick out.

We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist.

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.

On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.

Take the platypus - that is not a finished product. It is clearly still in beta.

All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.