The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

Mitt Romney's email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they're from a bot, he's fixed the problem.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I'm looking for knowledge... or when I want to create some.

Citizens United said that transparency would be the disinfectant, but (c)(4)'s are warm, wet, moist incubators. There is no disinfectant.