Writing and producing the show is an intellectual process. Performing the show is far more athletic and intuitive, because you don't get to do it twice. It helps if you've done whatever the old saw is, 10,000 hours of it. Because I've done 10,000 hours of comedy, I have this database in my mind of what works and what doesn't work.

No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do.' And I followed my own advice.

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.