I've said it a million times: Romance languages lead to premarital sex.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to make.

I've long been against illegal aliens, partly because they distract us from an even bigger threat: real aliens.

I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that.

Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.

You have a firm grasp of the obvious.