No matter how you were born, no matter how you identify, I want to be clear that I would be proud to grind you up and eat you.

I love the earth. If you ask me it's the greatest planet in the world.

Odyssey Dawn? That's not a military operation. That's a Carnival Cruise ship.

Cameras are dangerous. With no waiting period or background check, any whack-job could just stroll into a Wal-Mart and walk out with a semi-automatic. Now, for years I've been pressing for stricter regulations on cameras, especially around our elected officials. Too many political lives have been cut short by some crazed shooter.

I've got butterflies in my stomach... because I ate a cocoon quesadilla!

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.