There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.

I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality. And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it.