An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?

John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

Donald Trump, yes, he's somebody's little boy. But he is his ideas because his ideas are what's going to affect us. As a man, he can do very little. But his ideas could kill us all.

...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.

Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

I cannot stand people who disagree with me on the issue of Roe v. Wade... which I believe is about the proper way to cross a lake.