An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.

It's much better to invite the audience to be part of your show rather than saying, "I command you to do this." The other thing is, you have to follow through. If you initiate a game and they take part, you can't stop until it reaches a mutually satisfying resolution.

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.

John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation.

A native American group has filed a class-action lawsuit against the government for mismanagement of oil, gas, grazing, timber and other royalties since 1887. They're seeking $100 billion. Here's the good news: The government has responded what I believe is an appropriate counteroffer: A two-cent Navajo stamp.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The Truth. No joke.