I'm fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And people want to know how to feel. Not just what to feel but how to feel.

I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.

Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

‎You cannot correct an old person every time they say something offensive. You would never make it through Thanksgiving dinner!

Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.

I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.