Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.

Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.

Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.

If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

We're not talking about truth, we're talking about something that seems like truth - the truth we want to exist.

I'm not a truthiness fanatic, I'm truthiness's father.