Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.

I'm not a fan of the facts. Facts change; my opinion never does.

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.

Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.

You have to do your First Penance before your First Holy Communion. You're really young. What do you know? You've got nothing to confess. All I knew was that I was an evil human whose sins caused the death of our Lord.

Of the over 100,000 wildfires that happen in the U.S. each year, not a single one would get started without the fire triangle: Oxygen, heat and fuel. Fire needs all three to exist. It's like the three branches of our government: Legislative, judicial and executive. The fewer there are, the safer we are.