Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?!

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

The most common thing that real reporters say to me is, "I wish I could say what you say." What I don't understand is, why can't they say what I say, even in their own way? Does that mean they want to be able to name certain bald contradictions or hypocrisies that politicians have?

Truthiness is "What I say is right, and [nothing] anyone else says could possibly be true." It's not only that I feel it to be true, but that I feel it to be true. There's not only an emotional quality, but there's a selfish quality.

If Germans are happy it means everyone else is miserable.

Destroying a religious symbol and building a religious center are really the same thing if you don't think about it.