Football is American; why are the Romans numering our bowls?!

Young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.

I'm off for two weeks, so until I get back, take the characters in this tweet and parcel them out one per day. Use this Q wisely.

This is America. I don't want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian.

The most common thing that real reporters say to me is, "I wish I could say what you say." What I don't understand is, why can't they say what I say, even in their own way? Does that mean they want to be able to name certain bald contradictions or hypocrisies that politicians have?

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Sure, integrating schools may sound benign. But whats the use of living in a gated community if my kids go to school and get poor all over them?