I have always been a fan of reality by majority vote.

I imagined myself living in New York in some sort of open, large but sparse studio apartment with a lot of blond wood and a futon on the floor and a bubbling samovar of tea in the background and a big beard - living alone but with my beard - and doing theater. That's what I thought my life would be.

I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.

What the right-wing in the United States tries to do is undermine the press.

I love the Internet, and the Internet loves me back. Why else would it offer me so much sex?

The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.

I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.