In order to have influence, you have to be influenced.
Attending church does not necessarily mean living the principles taught in those meeting. You can be active in a church but inactive in its gospel.
Consult the wisdom of your heart as well as your mind.
Empathy takes time, and efficiency is for things, not people.
The place to begin building any relationship is inside ourselves, inside our circle of influence, our own character.
If you want small changes in your life, work on your attitude. But if you want big and primary changes, work on your paradigm.