It was Einstein who made the real trouble. He announced in 1905 that there was no such thing as absolute rest. After that there never was.

Newspapermen learn to call a murderer "an alleged murderer" and the King of England "the alleged King of England" in order to avoid libel suits.

It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it.

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing

Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit