The English are terribly lazy about fighting. They like to get it over and done with and then set up a game of cricket.

If every day in the life of a school could be the last day but one, there would be little fault to find with it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

American politicians do anything for money... English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.

Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

Writing is not hard. Just get paper and pencil, sit down, and write as it occurs to you. The writing is easy-it's the occurring that's hard.