I owe a lot to my teachers and mean to pay them back some day.

There is an old motto that runs, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." This is nonsense. It ought to read, "If at first you don't succeed, quit, quit at once."

In Canada we have enough to do keeping up with two spoken languages ... so we just go right ahead and use English for literature, Scotch for sermons, and American for conversation.

A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.

What we call creative work, ought not to be called work at all, because it isn't. I imagine that Thomas Edison never did a day's work in his last fifty years.

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.