I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.

I've seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better.

Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit

Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.

Most people can tire of a lecture in fifteen minutes, clever people can do it in five, and sensible people don't go to lectures at all.