I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.

It was Einstein who made the real trouble. He announced in 1905 that there was no such thing as absolute rest. After that there never was.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

The English are terribly lazy about fighting. They like to get it over and done with and then set up a game of cricket.

It's a lie, but Heaven will forgive you for it.

Charles Dickens' creation of Mr. Pickwick did more for the elevation of the human race - I say it in all seriousness - than Cardinal Newman's Lead Kindly Light Amid the Encircling Gloom. Newman only cried out for light in the gloom of a sad world. Dickens gave it.