The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.

Most people tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never go to lectures at all. But the people who do go to a lecture and who get tired of it, presently hold it as a sort of grudge against the lecturer personally. In reality his sufferings are worse than theirs.

He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.

Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.

Anybody who has listened to certain kinds of music, or read certain kinds of poetry, or heard certain kinds of performances on the concertina, will admit that even suicide has its brighter aspects.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.