Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it.

I admit that when the facts are not good enough, I always exaggerate them.

The classics are only primitive literature. They belong to the same class as primitive machinery and primitive music and primitive medicine.

The landlady of a boarding-house is a parallelogram - that is, an oblong angular figure, which cannot be described, but which is equal to anything

To write well it is first necessary to have something to say.

American politicians do anything for money... English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!