Most people can tire of a lecture in fifteen minutes, clever people can do it in five, and sensible people don't go to lectures at all.

I admit that when the facts are not good enough, I always exaggerate them.

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

On the same bill and on the same side of it there should not be two charges for the same thing

In Canada we have enough to do keeping up with two spoken languages ... so we just go right ahead and use English for literature, Scotch for sermons, and American for conversation.

Charles Dickens' creation of Mr. Pickwick did more for the elevation of the human race - I say it in all seriousness - than Cardinal Newman's Lead Kindly Light Amid the Encircling Gloom. Newman only cried out for light in the gloom of a sad world. Dickens gave it.

There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit