Writing is not hard. Just get paper and pencil, sit down, and write as it occurs to you. The writing is easy-it's the occurring that's hard.

We think of the noble object for which the professor appears tonight, we may be assured that the Lord will forgive any one who will laugh at the professor.

American politicians do anything for money... English politicians take the money and won't do anything.

All our yesterdays, it is true, have only lighted fools the way to dusty death. But we need at least the dates of the yesterdays and the list of the fools.

Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.

I am what is called a professor emeritus—from the Latin e, 'out,' and meritus, 'so he ought to be.

If I were founding a university I would begin with a smoking room; next a dormitory; and then a decent reading room and a library. After that, if I still had more money that I couldn't use, I would hire a professor and get some text books.