Being on Twitter is like having a fern.

If you've got a dollar and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've got 71 cents left; But if you've got seventeen grand and you spend 29 cents on a loaf of bread, you've still got seventeen grand. There's a math lesson for you.

I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

Romance takes place when you first fall in love. It stirs all emotions and you can manipulate and be manipulated.

I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.

Awards mean nothing to comedians. What matters is the audience, how you're doing - artistically, for the most part - at that moment.