To me you are a work of art, and I would give you my heart - that's if I had one.

Don't leave it all unsaid, somewhere in the wasteland of your head.

You're not right in the head, and nor am I, and this is why....this is why I like you.

I hated the royal wedding.

Yes I have had a tan, actually. I went to Los Angeles and got one there, but it didn't make it back to Britain. You're not allowed to come through customs with a tan.

Can you squeeze me into an empty page of your diary and psychologically save me?

I am unable to watch the Olympics due to the blustering jingoism that drenches the event. Has England ever been quite so foul with patriotism? The 'dazzling royals' have, quite naturally, hi-jacked the Olympics for their own empirical needs, and no oppositional voice is allowed in the free press.