We hate it when our friends become successful.

He [Elton John] is pushing his face in all the time and telling us about his private life. Nobody's interested. He should just go away.

Whether it be Beyonce or Justin Bieber, we see singers who have absolutely nothing to offer anyone as they walk off stage clutching three Grammys in each hand.

Smiths songs certainly have an astonishing afterlife.

The rhino is now more or less extinct, and it's not because of global warming or shrinking habitats. It's because of Beyonce's handbags.

I always thought my genitals were the result of some crude practical joke.

Music is like a drug, but there are no rehabilitation centres.