My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles... which sounds so much better than "alcoholic."

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!

I don't think lesbians should be allowed to use dildos, afterall they've made their choice

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me

So what if I can't spell Armaggedon? ... it's not the end of the world.

Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.