Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West

My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles... which sounds so much better than "alcoholic."

Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me

Allyson Smith reminds me of a younger, prettier, funnier me. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies from my bridge club have arrived.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.