There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.

Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador.

Love is the only thing that keeps me sane.

I have decided to keep a full journal, in the hope that my life will perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down.

Adrian Mole's father was so angry that so many pepole got divorced nowadays. HE had been unhappilly married for 30 years, why should everybody else get away?

I am from the working class. I am now what I was then. No amount of balsamic vinegar and Prada handbags could make me forget what it was like to be poor.

I'm spectacularly disorganised. I wrote my latest book in seven different notebooks scattered throughout my house.