Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador.

The monarchy is finished. It was finished a while ago, but they're still making the corpses dance.

I'm spectacularly disorganised. I wrote my latest book in seven different notebooks scattered throughout my house.

Every time I start a new piece of work, I spend a long while under the duvet thinking I can't do it.

There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.

I don't know why women are so mad about flowers. Personally, they leave me cold. I prefer trees.

Love is the only thing that keeps me sane.