You'll get through this. And I know it's impossible to believe right now, but it gets better. Trust me.
Susane ColasantiI'm not sure if our friendship is strong enough to survive into next year when weโre away at college. But. We know each other in a way that no one else can. We share a history that makes us permanently connected. So I have to hope for us. All I can do is hope.
Susane ColasantiI'm sorry.' Congratulations.' Can you tell me why you're so upset?' The thing is, Tobey should get this. I mean, he's gotten everything else about me. And I don't want to explain it all. So much of it has to do with jealousy, and I know it's stupid to be mad at him because he had a life before me. But I am anyway.
Susane ColasantiI have no interest in maintaining a relationship with someone who didnโt love me enough to stick around.
Susane ColasantiIts so weird how connecting with someone in a different setting can bring out this whole other side of them. Like how certain places inspire us to act in ways we normally wouldn't.
Susane ColasantiApparently, it used to be extremely common for families to have two parents. They stayed together because thatโs what all the other parents did. Now there are so many options, so many different ways to be a family. So many ways to rip a family apart.
Susane ColasantiWalks are never as good during the day. At night, when everyone's apartments are lit up and you can see inside, that's where the action is. Everything about this fascinates me. Windows, lampposts, building facades. Looking into other people's lives. The way it all comes together, this entity greater than the sum of its parts. I feel inspired. I'm excited about my future life.
Susane ColasantiIโve already lived through the worst time of my life. So I know that whatever happens to me from now on, nothing will ever be as bad as it was back then. That makes me happy.
Susane ColasantiStill hiding and afraid to let go. Waiting for you to find me uncover me and show me the way.
Susane ColasantiWe canโt help who we love. Love isnโt logical, or even our choice. Love chooses us.
Susane ColasantiShe's not going to let go until she sees for herself that there's nothing left to hold on to.
Susane ColasantiI'm trying to paint an underwater ocean scene. It's just not working. My queen angelfish is supposed to have these bright yellow eyes and electric-blue stripes along the edge of her fin. Instead, it looks like I'm trying to paint a fried egg with some blue bacon. Maybe I can pass it off as postmodern.
Susane ColasantiI have a theory that the answers to all of life's major questions can found in a John Mayer song.
Susane ColasantiI mean, maybe under the surface, somewhere that's hard to see, I've known it had to end for a long time. I just never thought I'd be the one to end it.
Susane ColasantiFACTS Fact #1 Mean people suck. Fact #2 Bad things happen to good people. Fact #3 Good doesnโt always prevail over evil.
Susane ColasantiToo bad guys arenโt like Mr. Potato Head Where you can pick and choose which parts you want. Then we might come up with a guy who meets your standards. - Maggie
Susane ColasantiDo you believe in fate?" "I guess, but . . . its more about creatng the life you want so you can make that fate a reality. You know?
Susane ColasantiTobey puts the CD on. Then he comes over and hugs me. I lean my head on his chest. 'I want to know everything about you,' he whispers.
Susane ColasantiMaybe it's just hart to see what's right in front of you while you're frantically searching for it.
Susane ColasantiIf Iโd stopped believing that my life would eventually get better, I donโt think I would have survived high school.
Susane ColasantiJust when it seems like life is getting good, something always has to come along and ruin it.
Susane ColasantiIf you have to explain about how something's supposed to feel, it takes away all the magic.
Susane ColasantiFor one day there will be nothing left, yet we will have something. -me- I tried to wait for my life to begin. Something has to happen. Like an amazing boy. I know he's out there. I just have to find him.
Susane ColasantiBut maybe those things are like background noise if youโre from here. Maybe you have to experience this as a whole new place to appreciate it like I do.
Susane ColasantiThings fall apart, even when you think they're stronger than anything you could ever imagine.
Susane ColasantiWhen Iโm a teacher, I wonโt be using red pens to grade papers. Red pens will forever be associated with criticism and bad grades in my mind. I donโt want this person to get their short story back with harsh red pen marks all over it. Purple is much friendlier.
Susane ColasantiMaybe but... if being impulsive means ruining other people's lives, then maybe I should just stay the same.
Susane ColasantiBut if your boyfriend, out of nowhere and with no advance warning whatsoever, dumps you for no apparent reason, is it really about you? Or is it all him?
Susane ColasantiHe has to wair for another load of laundry to get done. So I wait with him. I lean back against the couch, sitting really low the way I like. I scrunch over and put my head on his shoulder. We sit like that for a long time. Watching other people's laundry dry. <3
Susane ColasantiBut this is such a "Wheel" moment. That song rocks. The best part is where John Mayer says how our connections are permanent, how if you drift apart from someone there's always a chance you can be part of their life again. How everything comes back around again.
Susane Colasanti