They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

Going down on a woman gives me a stiff neck, going down on a man gives me lockjaw and conventional sex gives me claustrophobia.

There is less in this than meets the eye.

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.