They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

I have been absolutely hag-ridden with ambition. If I could wish to have anything in the world it would be to be free of ambition.

Drink reacts on its practitioners in conflicting ways. One brave can knock off a quart of Scotch and look and act as sober as Herbert Hoover. Another, after three Martinis, makes two-cushion carroms off the chaise lounge as he attempts to negotiate the bathroom.

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!