It's unlikely I'll ever submit to a psychiatrist's couch. I don't want some stranger prowling around through my psyche, monkeying with my id. I don't need an analyst to tell me that I have never had any sense of security. Who has?

Say anything about me, darling, as long as it isn't boring.

[On being asked in her later years if she were Tallulah:] I'm what's left of her, dahling.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

I have been tight as a tick! Fried as a mink! Stiff as a goat!

It's one of the tragic ironies of the theatre that only one man in it can count on steady work - the night watchman.