I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.

[On being asked in her later years if she were Tallulah:] I'm what's left of her, dahling.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

In my lifetime I've been to bed with men, women, and odd pieces of furniture.

I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me.

Wracked with a hangover I do my muttering over a Black Velvet, a union of champagne and stout. Don't be swindled into believing there's any cure for a hangover. I've tried them all: iced tomatoes, hot clam juice, brandy peaches. Like the common cold it defies solution. Time alone can stay it. The hair of the dog? That way lies folly. It's as logical as trying to put out a fire with applications of kerosene.