I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.

I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

I have three phobias ...: I hate going to bed, get up and hate hate being alone.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

[To the man who came up to her at a party and exclaimed effusively, 'Tallulah! I haven't seen you for 41 years!':] I thought I told you to wait in the car.